Here's my official test to let you know whether or not you are a fantasy sports playa. Guys, this shouldn't be a challenge. Score well and you've probably got a shelf full of league championship trophies coming your way. Score low, and well, the world needs ditch-diggers too. Don't hate the test, hate the game.

1. Fantasy Sports allow you to:
A. Play defensive tackle in the Perfect Ten Model Super Bowl.
B. Make it with an entire cheerleading squad.
C. Draft and trade players for your own sports team.
D. Do you mean Dungeons and Dragons?

2. Your team makes a long-awaited playoff appearance. You:
A. Spend every waking hour willing them to victory.
B. Have to be sent to the hospital after suffering a stroke.
C. Are convinced they won't make it past the first round.
D. What!?! The Klingons are finally going to battle the Stormtroopers?!?! Qapla'! Someone hand me my inhaler!

3. Your significant other is in the same league and their star player goes down in the first regular-season game. You:
A. Laugh and say, "That's the breaks, all is fair in love and war baby."
B. Give up your best player because you feel bad.
C. Give advice on how to replace the player.
D. Convince him/her to quit, as to not suffer the embarrassment of being slaughtered by your team.

4. Who is that between second and third base?
A. Derek Jeter
B. Shortstop
C. Rickey Henderson, taking a big lead.
D. What are we in third grade, who still refers to that in terms of bases?

5. Your favorite sports movie is:
A. Ladybugs
B. A League of Their Own
C. Any Given Sunday
D. Home videos of you on your high school football team body-slamming the opposing team's quarterback.

6. On Sundays from August to January you spend the day:
A. Brushing your My Little Ponies.
B. Watching "Designing Women" and "Golden Girls" reruns.
C. Wine tasting in the Hamptons.
D. Painting your body, getting trashed and losing your voice, in that order.

7. When a defensive player gets "burned" it means:
A. Ate Taco Bell for lunch.
B. Was cooking for his girlfriend when the baked Alaska got out of hand, singeing eyebrows.
C. The offensive player beat him deep.

8. The Subway Series is:
A. Baseball games played between Metro New York teams.
B. A sandwich-eating contest.
C. Thumb-wrestling matches between Jared and Kirstie Alley.

9. With the first pick of the 2007 fantasy football draft, you select:
A. LaDainian Tomlinson
B. David Beckham
C. The Rock
D. Stephen Hawking

10. Who is the mother of Tom Brady's bastard child?
A. Gisele Bundchen
B. Bridget Moynahan
C. Queen Latifah
D. Rosie O'Donnell

1. A. (0), B. (-2), C. (+4), D. (-8);
2. A. (+3), B. (+4), C. (0), D. (-17);
3. A. (+4), B. (-500), C. (+2), D. (+3);
4. A. (+3), B. (+4), C. (+10), D. (-10);
5. A. (+1), B. (+2), C. (+3), D. (+4);
6. A. (-20), B. (-10), C. (0), D. (+10);
7. A. (-2), B. (0), C. (+4);
8. A. (+4), B. (-2), C. (0);
9. A. (+4), B. (0), C. (+1), D. (-10);
10. A. (+1), B. (+4), C. (0), D. (-10).

Negative-8: You are hopeless. Did you even read the questions? Stick to organizing playoff matches between your Barbies and Bratz dolls because you will never make it in this real fantasy world.

8-30: OK, you may be on the right track or you may just be a good guesser. My suggestion for you is to create your own league and play against yourself for a season. That way you don't embarrass yourself around the big boys and girls.

31-UP: You've passed, so I give you permission to join a league where you play against other real people. Congratulations, you are not completely hopeless.

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