Here are 11 surefire ways to get your woman out of your ear so you can ensure hassle-free Sundays:
1. Arrange for weekend spa getaways. Unfortunately, after the first few weeks this could prove to be really expensive. If you are poor, you might want to read on.
2. I have a girlfriend whose mother-in-law goes shopping with her every Sunday. She seems so happy that her mother-in-law wants to spend time with her that I can't bring myself to tell her that her husband arranged these get-togethers so he can have peace and quiet while he watches the games.
3. Ask her to take a vow of silence on Sundays in exchange for something she wants from you. Like offer to do the dishes during the week or clean the entire house on Saturdays. Just how much are you willing to sacrifice?
4. "Disappear" on Sundays and turn off your cell phone. Blame it on a dead battery. Depending on her level of intelligence, this may not work for more than one week.
5. Lock her in the closet. After a few hours she will get tired and the banging and screaming will stop. However, I can't guarantee that when you let her out she won't have you locked up.
6. Hire a pool boy.
7. Tell her you have been "born again" and now must spend all day on Sundays worshipping your Lord and Savior. Just pray she doesn't want to witness your new-found devotion.
8. Take her somewhere dark, like the movies, and sneak out as the movie begins. Just be sure to get back before the closing credits roll.
9. Put sleeping pills in her Sunday morning coffee. Make sure it's enough to knock her out at least until the Sunday night game is over.
10. Ditch the woman and get a blow up doll. That way you can guarantee complete silence forever AND pleasure on command. What more could you need?
11.The most civilized and compassionate method: Human beings hate what they can't understand. The more you teach her about the game, the more she will enjoy it. The questions will be annoying the first few weeks, but it'll make for a more enjoyable Sunday in the long run.
Rebecca is a New York based entertainment and intellectual property attorney, an agressive fantasy player and an avid Knicks and Jets fan. Got a question for Answer Gal? E-mail her at: answergal@fantasysportsupdate.com
