There are rotisserie heroes and fantasy goats. But some performances are so ugly, egregious or plain perplexing that it begs the refrain: What the F--k! Here is Update's seriously twisted moment this week.

Carl Pavano is back with the New York Yankees. He's wearing the uniform again. He's even throwing off the mound so far this spring. One thing Pavano is not — accepted. Pavano, who signed a fat $40 million free agent contract after the 2004 season, would have you believe all is well. But after two-injury plagued seasons that's seen him pitch a total of 100 innings and alienate teammates, Pavano has returned to the team as if he just stepped from the shower and the previous 24 months were all a bad dream. Hey guy, WTF! At least Ken Griffey Jr. admitted he broke his hand in December roughhousing with his children. Pavano broke ribs in a car accident last summer and didn't have the mind to tell the Yankees until nearly three weeks later — when they were prepared to activate him. Team ace Mike Mussina publicly questioned Pavano's commitment last week. The two apparently cleared the air in a meeting in Tampa on Friday. You can just hear the Bronx bleacher creatures now: "Yo, Mike, why let the guy off so easy?" Oh yeah, you don't expect Pavano to make it through Spring Training. Neither does UPDATE!