POSTED 3-12-07

There are rotisserie heroes and fantasy goats. But some performances are so ugly, egregious or plain perplexing that it begs the refrain: What the F--k! Here is Update's seriously twisted moment this week.

Undersized Wes Welker brought a higher price this off-season than Super Bowl running back Thomas Jones. The undrafted Welker proved a more coveted commodity than Buffalo running back Willis McGahee. The New England Patriots acquired the 5-9, 195-pound slot receiver and kick returner from rival Miami last week for second- and seventh-round draft choices in April's NFL Draft. Are you kidding? Sure, Welker led an anemic Dolphins offense with 67 catches for 687 yards and a touchdown in 2006. His greatest asset is as a kick returner. But WTF! Even Dolfans were glad to part with the fan favorite in exchange for some serious draft chips. Welker is a hustler, but he's no Chris Chambers. Or Marty Booker. The Patriots also went out and signed Philadelphia receiver Donte' Stallworth on Sunday. UPDATE! doesn't know if the Patriots are any better off than when the free agency period kicked off, but they certainly are poorer. And that genius on the sideline appears to be growing more eccentric by the day.