POSTED 4-2-07

There are rotisserie heroes and fantasy goats. But some performances are so ugly, egregious or plain perplexing that it begs the refrain: What the F--k! Here is Update's seriously twisted moment this week.

What's with the globalization of football? The NFL has played exhibitions in Mexico, Japan and London. There's even an NFL Europe. But let's face it. Football is a hugely-popular American sport. And that's where the love and passion end. (OK, there's the CFL and plenty of Mexicans love football, but football in those societies takes a back seat to hockey and soccer.) The Miami Dolphins and New York Giants are slated to play in London on Oct. 28. Another overseas game, an exhibition between the New England Patriots and Seattle Seahawks in China on Aug. 7, has been scrubbed, according to a report on Monday by Sports Illustrated. UPDATE! says so much the better. The world has already stolen basketball and baseball from us — and routinely bashed us over the head. Remember, the U.S. didn't even reach the final of the World Baseball Classic last spring. WTF! The last thing real Americans want is for football to become a global affair. Here's why it won't. It's about as tough for foreigners to understand and enjoy as cricket is for the average Joe. It's a violent game for a society that demands blood of its athletes. Oh, it's the ultimate team sport in the age of me, me, me. Those barriers will keep football from dominating the world. That's OK. Americans need something that belongs to them and them alone. So stop with the international marketing campaign, Roger Goodell. Start selling at home the only game that's still purely American.