POSTED 5-14-07

There are rotisserie heroes and fantasy goats. But some performances are so ugly, egregious or plain perplexing that it begs the refrain: What the F--k! Here is Update's seriously twisted moment this week.

Roger Clemens skipped the dog days of Spring Training, the wild April weather that makes pitching in the Northeast the ultimate test and nearly four months of intense scrutiny from reporters that makes being a Yankee the toughest job in pro sports. His future teammates have a right to resent the Rocket on those grounds alone. But he's also missed a turbulent start to the season that has seen the Yankees fall eight games back of Boston in the AL East. Now he's being hailed as a savior and being paid like a CEO. WTF! That has all the ingredients for a clubhouse rebellion and Bronx meltdown the likes of which hasn't been seen since Long Island Lolita Amy Fisher tried to break up the Buttafucos at gunpoint. For one thing, Clemens turns 45 in August. For another, he hasn't pitched in the rough-and-tumble American League since 2003. And then there's the estimated $1 million per start premium the front office gave Rocket. Look, if Clemens pitches to his potential, maybe this arrangement works out. But anyone whose son has ever played Little League knows what happens when the team brings in a ringer — even if he is a familiar face. Let's just say the shoddy run support Clemens got in Houston will follow him in pinstripes.