POSTED 5-28-07

There are rotisserie heroes and fantasy goats. But some performances are so ugly, egregious or plain perplexing that it begs the refrain: What the F--k! Here is Update's seriously twisted moment this week.

Is it some cosmic joke? Barry Bonds picked up his relentless pursuit of Hank Aaron's home run record like a man possessed. The San Francisco Giants slugger finished the month of April on a tear, batting .356 with 8 homers and 17 RBI. He hit career home run No. 745 against Mets starter Tom Glavine on May 8. His torrid start brought an upwelling of debate. How will the baseball world deal with a suspected juicer as the new home run king? Hammering Hank, for one, wants no part of this event. Turns out that will have to wait. Bonds has slowed — considerably. Bonds hasn't gone yard over the last 15 games. He's batting just .185 in May with a very Luis Castillo-like .370 slugging percentage. He's said he is exhausted. WTF! So are we. UPDATE! can't fully enjoy the baseball season until the spectacle and specter surrounding Bonds is satisfied one way or another. How bout this for a compromise — retire now. (Editor's note: Bonds hit No. 746 on Sunday.)