POSTED 5-7-07

There are rotisserie heroes and fantasy goats. But some performances are so ugly, egregious or plain perplexing that it begs the refrain: What the F--k! Here is Update's seriously twisted moment this week.

It's the game of billionaires. Monopoly? Yes, but without Parker Brothers' sense of style. These days the game has a singular goal: squeezing municipalities and state governments to foot the bill for a new stadium for your pro franchise. In other words, Joe Taxpayer pays for the latest pleasure palace while the George Steinbrenners of the world sit back and count their money. WTF! It's bad enough the average fan must pay through the nose for the right to sit in the upper deck. But they're also shelling out — figuratively — for those pricey luxury boxes too? Hey, save me a seat Mr. Trump. The Mets and Yankees are getting plenty of financial help from New York politicos to build new ballparks. When the mayor is a billionaire himself it's hard to fight city hall. But there's no such good will in Florida, where the state legislature has repeatedly nixed or let die six — that's right, six! — proposed bills aimed at subsidizing a new retractable roof stadium for the Florida Marlins. This looks like bad news to your typical Marlins fan. They are the real victims here. But UPDATE! gives the Florida state senate a standing ovation — whether it be through incompetence or sheer defiance — for saying no to one hat-in-his-hand millionaire. According to Forbes Magazine, the Marlins had the highest operating income in baseball last season at $43 million. No doubt a new stadium deal would enhance the bottom line even more. But the rainmakers in Tallahassee say no. Guess Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria is going to have to find some other way to get his money-making stadium built. Joe Robbie privately financed a new stadium for the Miami Dolphins in 1987. Hmm. UPDATE! has an idea: open your own wallet.