POSTED 6-25-07

There are rotisserie heroes and fantasy goats. But some performances are so ugly, egregious or plain perplexing that it begs the refrain: What the F--k! Here is Update's seriously twisted moment this week.

So Miami Dolphins defensive tackle Fred Evans got Tasered — twice — by Miami Beach police early Saturday morning after refusing to get out of a cab, according to several reports. He reportedly fought with officers before being subdued with a stun gun. Really. Meanwhile, Tennessee Titans corner Pacman Jones posted $20,000 bail on Friday in Las Vegas after being charged, according to NFL.com, with two felony counts of coercion stemming from allegations that he threatened to kill Minxx club employees and that he bit a bar bouncer, his lawyers said. No joke. This marks the sixth arrest for Jones, who was recently suspened by the NFL for the entire season. Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick is knee deep in accusations of being a dogfighting kingpen. Another NFL star, Chicago Bears defensive tackle Tank Johnson — already suspended the first eight games of this upcoming season for violating probation with a gun violation — was pulled over for speeding in Arizona on Friday and was possibly drunk, according to reports. Here's a long-overdue WTF! When will these guys learn they are not above the law and that the standards of acceptable human behavior apply to them, too? I'm not one to complain. The NFL has become so scripted and regimented that the off-season headlines make for a new — and yes perverse — form of entertainment. But then again, watching 300-pound gladiators tear at each other on a football field is pretty perverse too. All I'm saying is enjoy the off-season, so long as an NFL player doesn't live next door to you.