POSTED 7-30-07

There are rotisserie heroes and fantasy goats. But some performances are so ugly, egregious or plain perplexing that it begs the refrain: What the F--k! Here is Update's seriously twisted moment this week.

It's probably fitting that in the same week hit-machines Tony Gwynn and Cal Ripken Jr. were inducted into the Hall of Fame, Ichiro Suzuki became the third-fastest player to notch 1,500 hits. Only Al Simmons and George Sisler, playing in the first half of the twentieth century, reached this number in fewer games. Ichiro has been outstanding in the big leagues, earning an All-Star appearance and Gold Glove in each of his seven seasons with the Mariners. Not to mention his landmark 262-hit season in 2004. Why is it then that his praises go unsung — that his achievements get merely mentioned — when juiced up phonies like Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire garner front page headlines, literally injecting themselves into the annals of baseball history? WTF! It's not a shame; it's a travesty. One of the most remarkably consistent all-around players ever to grace a baseball stadium plays second fiddle to conceited egos and hollow statistics. In an age where home run hitters are king, Ichiro may very well be, pound-for-pound, the best hitter on the planet.