If every statistical, mental and background detail is measured, then why is the NFL Draft such a crapshoot?

To understand that we must first ask another query: What is the ninth month in the year?

No, this is not a trick question having to do with the ancient Vikings and their 13-month lunar calendar. Or with the recent Vikings, Fred Smoot, the love boat and some trial date, for that matter.

The question comes from the NFL Combine's highly-vaunted, highfalutin head check known as the Wonderlic Test (www.wonderlic.com). The Wonderlic is that infamous 50-question IQ test given to potential draftees, to determine if they have the marbles to be NFL playmakers, or if the should actually be wearing a helmet both on and off the field. Fifty odd-ball questions that have nothing to do with a guy putting up 50 points for my fantasy team.

I'm not sure what's more disturbing; the 'ninth month' question itself, or the fact that it was multiple choice.

The latest NFL Combine kicked off in Indianapolis last Wednesday and finishes today with more than 300 hopefuls enduring manly tests of skill and of course, the Wonderlic. Apparently, it's not enough to poke, prod and process every piece of statistical data the bean-counters, cap-ologists and execs can get their grubby, little white-cuffed hands on. Reps and times and shuttles and the broad jump (which isn't nearly as fun as it sounds) alone don't float their collective boat.

They also play head-shrink to make that fool-proof draft selection. It all adds up to keenly organized, expertly evaluated and finely honed hooey done to cover their asses — flotsam and jetsam BS. The reality is, whether you're the average fantasy football geek or Jerry Friggin' Jones, drafting is a crap shoot because no matter how much info you collect, there are too many variables contributing to the success or failure of a given player.

Bear with me — I'm going stream of consciousness here. Below are three quarterbacks who posted high Wonderlic scores:

• David Carr, Texans: One of the few times he was actually vertical.
• Alex Smith, 49ers: The jury is still out.
• Akili Smith, Bengals: Just about a-killed the Bengal's playoff hopes for many moons.

These guys dragged the curve down — Night Train Lane scored under 13 points, 10 being the illiteracy limbo bar — but became all-pro performers:

• Vince Young, Titans quarterback: Scored an infamous 6 on the Wonderlic, but won NFL Rookie of the Year 2006 honors. I swore up and down this guy would be a bust. Guess I'm the football idiot.
• Tommie Harris, Bears defensive trackle: See him, feel him, touch him, heal him.

The Colts' axis of end zone — Joseph Addai (RB), Marvin Harrison (WR) and Reggie Wayne (WR) — are gameday geniuses.

It seems the Colts have put this Wonderlic thing in proper perspective. The incessant evaluation adds up to nothing more than a crapshoot! If not, why do we have so many bad memories of Ryan Leaf, Curtis Enis and Charles Rogers?

The reality is the NFL Draft is nothing more high stakes gambling. Look no further than Blair Thomas, who was taken No. 2 overall by the J-E-T-S Jets! Jets! Jets! in 1990, fifteen slots ahead of the future Gene Kelly of football, Emmitt Smith.

It's as if all these GMs believe they have the system down pat, but it's really no better than progressive betting, card counting or playing slot machines near the casino entrance. Rubbish. The NFL Draft is a multi-billion dollar roll of the dice, just like craps. Or getting married. Hey, stay with me here.

How many guys think they have that figured out? She's the right girl, right family. You've done the research, put in the time, analyzed the data, the angles. I'm picking this one!

A year or five later — divorce. What a bust.

I've got a buddy named Berger who views his sex life like the NFL Draft. Berger played football at Michigan State, but was known more for his accomplishments off the field than on it. Berger never goes home from a bar with a babe too early. Why? Because Berger's waiting for that high, can't miss draft pick to sliiiiide down to his draft position. On any given Sunday — or Saturday night. Anything can happen in the crapshoot.

But that's actually good draft advice. Trade down. Whether the Oakland Raiders or your fantasy team, I believe in trading down to get value. How many guys picked Shaun Alexander over LaDainian Tomlinson in their fantasy draft last year? Talk about pulling your hair out with your own teeth.

Don't believe the hype. Between the Boo-Ya! network that is ESPN, the Gordon Gekko of draftniks, a.k.a. Mel Kiper, and the league itself, it is easy to get bamboozled by the hype. Everyone gets paid by overplaying the draft and ordaining every prospect selected as the second coming. Don't reach on so-called can't-missers.

I'm not a draft freak, but I now know enough to make a pick if a good one falls to my draft slot as a wise man once said. I almost got rolled last year because I wasn't well-versed in the draft. I was sitting back on fantasy draft day, laughing as people where grabbing up players like Maurice Jones-Drew and Addai late, and I was taking Armani Toomer. These picks are crucial, especially in keeper leagues.

But you can follow all these tips, do research and show up well-prepared for your draft and still crap out. Tune in beginning April 28 as one NFL team after another takes their best shot. There are few sure things, even fewer can't-miss prospects and too many variables — team, system, coaching. At least it's entertaining.

Just in case you were left dumbfounded, the ninth month of the year is September. That's when both NFL teams and fantasy footballers will really find out what they got in their respective drafts.